


Understanding Alice

by somegoldcanstay



Series: The Alice Quinn Saga [1]
Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Sleepovers, Telepathy, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-03-06 22:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18860407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somegoldcanstay/pseuds/somegoldcanstay
Summary: Alice Quinn has a crush on Quentin Coldwater, but he doesn't seem to notice. Maybe befriending Margo would be more beneficial.





	1. Threeways or Sleepovers

_Eliot._ Alice chewed on the name for an hour. Eliot Waugh. He was tall, dark, and handsome, with the grace of a Russian ballet dancer and an aura like Oscar Wilde.

He lounged in the parlor of the Physical Kids Cottage while a good-looking youth fed him fruit and gummy bears. Oscar Wilde would have been proud to consider Eliot a modern-day version of himself.

Alice spotted Quentin Coldwater staring at Eliot. He was always staring at Eliot. She didn’t blame him. The tall man was way more interesting than her.

It was easy with Eliot. He always tried to include her. He took Alice by the hand and walked around campus with her asking about little bits of information about her.

But with Quentin around it was as if she wasn’t even there. The two of them were connected in a way she didn’t really understand; Margo was the only person who fit right in with the boys. The three of them became unstoppable. If they wanted to be supervillains the world would have been in trouble.

Alice sat by herself on the quad to eat. She watched some naturalists talk to plants as she nibbled on a peanut butter sandwich. The weather was perfect, though it was easy to wonder if Brakebills ever had bad weather. She’d been here for a while and it had never once rained.

Penny blipped in beside her. He swore under his breath and sat down beside her.

“Where did you go this time?”

“Australia, I think.”

“That sounds amazing.”

“I still can’t really control it. How are you? Why aren’t you and Coldwater together?”

Alice wanted to hide.

“He’s with Margo and Eliot.”

“You don’t like them?”

“I like them ok. Eliot tries to include me.”

“He tries to include me too. I would hang out with them more, but Quentin had a sex dream about me and Eliot a month ago and I can’t look Eliot in the eye.”

“How do you find out about it?”

“Coldwater has weak wards.”

“That’s horrifying.”

“No shit.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Penny munched on a few baby carrots and ranch dressing. He was a strict vegetarian, and Alice admired his commitment.

They sat chatting about school, books, and tried to get a cat walking across campus to come over to them. It hissed and took off running.

They were having a nice time and didn’t notice Quentin and Eliot approach. Alice saw Penny and Eliot make eye contact and immediately look away from each other awkwardly, but it was Quentin who blushed.

“That was sufficiently awkward,” said Eliot.

“Not my fault,” said Penny looking everywhere but at Eliot.

“I’m sorry, it’s not like I asked for it to happen,” Quentin began. “Hi, Alice.”

“Hi, Quentin.”

“Ok this is painful. I’m going to find Margo.”

“Alice, I’ll see you later,” said Penny, as he packed up his lunch, and ran instead of travelling.

Quentin was cute. His innocence and his belief in magic and wonder were absolutely her favorite thing about him. A grown man whose entire face lit up like a Christmas tree when he talked about Fillory, was something very new to her.

She listened to every word. Quentin stuttered through a very passionate speech about how Rupert was his favorite Chatwin, and how he wanted to go to Fillory to see the centaurs.

Fillory isn’t real. It was always on the tip of her tongue. She never had the heart to tell him. A smile tugged her lips upwards when he got to his favorite book in the series, _The Secret Sea._ Alice knew that to be _Fillory and Further_ book four.

Quentin pulled his knees up to his chest and finally turned to ask her a question. She had been caught off guard by him suddenly focusing on her.

“Oh, I don’t really read fantasy. I do like Jane Austen.”

“You’ve never read any fantasy?”

“I read the _Iliad_.”

“What do you escape to?”

“I don’t.”

They got up to walk together back to the Cottage. Quentin’s hand brushed her a couple of times, but she wasn’t sure he noticed.

Eliot and Margo were grilling. A few people were hanging out. Todd was spread out like a pinup holding the signature cocktail. Margo was talking to him. His dark brown eyes following Margo everywhere she went. Margo was magnetic. Everyone gravitated to her.

Eliot waved them both over. He handed Alice a drink and held her hand for a moment. He tried.

“Your hair is nice today, Alice.”

“Thank you, Eliot. You smell nice. What are you wearing?”

“Armani.”

“You should let me take you shopping,” Margo said as she sat down beside her. Alice glanced at Quentin who was smiling at Eliot as they laughed and grilled together. They were standing super close. _Too close._

She saw the twinkle in Quentin’s eyes, the glazed over look he gets when he talks about Fillory. She hadn’t seen him smile like that at anything.

“Alice,” said Margo. Alice turned to look at the beautiful woman. “Trust me, kitten, you aren’t getting between them. It’s basically impossible.”

“I’ve seen you do it.”

“Eliot and I are a package deal. Q knew that when he signed up. He joined our band; we didn’t join his. It’s different for us. You should let me brush your hair.”

Margo sipped on her drink. Alice wondered how much alcohol was required for her to actually get drunk. She seemed like a professional drinker, because it never seemed to affect her.

Alice saw Todd staring at Margo. One of the many boys who was swept off his feet by her.

When Penny and Kady showed up Margo leaned in close, to tell her something. _She smells like marshmallows._

“Q had a sex dream about Penny and Eliot. Apparently, it was Star Wars themed. Eliot was Han Solo and Penny was Lando and poor little Q was Luke.”

“I don’t need details.”

“It was hot. You can put it in your memory for later.”

Alice watched Eliot hand his grill tongs to Quentin and walk off with Penny. The two men were gone for several minutes, Margo kept staring at their figures in the distance while sipping her drink. When they returned, they seemed to be on better terms.

Quentin brought Alice a drink and sat down between her and Margo. He had tucked his hair behind his head and began to munch on the pork chop Eliot had grilled.

“So, Q, tell me. Are you a virgin?”

Quentin was startled by the question and dropped his porkchop. Alice caught it before it hit the ground and had nothing to wipe her hands on. Todd, who was still lounging nearby, handed her a paper towel.

“Dammit, Margo. No. I’m not a virgin. Shit.”

“What about you, Alice?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Don’t frighten the poor girl, Bambi,” said Eliot, handing Alice a pork chop and some vegetables.

“I’m trying to get to know them. Have you seen any boys you think are cute yet?”

It was Alice’s turn to nearly drop her food. She tried not to look at Quentin. He was eating with his fingers and it was painfully awkward. He kept dropping the porkchop on his plate because it’s hot.

“Just cut it,” Eliot told him gently, with a hand on his shoulder. “Come on.”

The boys got up. Margo scooted close to her. Alice busied herself with the grilled corn on her plate.

“I know eleven guys I could hook you up with. Todd might be one. He’s a decent lay. He’s good with his hands,” Margo nudged her and winked.

“No thanks.”

“Look at those puppy eyes though. Big, brown, and always looks a little lost,” Margo said. Todd was exactly that and the accurate description made Alice giggle. She looked past Todd at Quentin who was allowing Eliot to cut up his food for him like he was a child.

“Oh. I see. You like socially maladjusted nerds with ADHD.”

“I do not,” Alice said suddenly looking at Todd. He was grinning.

“You so do. Margo, she’s blushing.”

“That’s your type? You and Eliot should be better friends.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing. If you want nerdgasm to notice you I can totally help you with that.”

Margo scooted even closer. Their legs were touching. Alice bit her bottom lip, and tried to not flee. Margo was being nice to her, and this time it felt genuine. Penny advised her during lunch to try to trust people more.

“Let her help you,” Todd recommended.

“What are you going to do to me?”

“You’ll see. Come on.”

Margo stood up and grabbed Alice by the arm. She yanked Todd up too. She kissed Eliot on the cheek, ruffled Quentin’s hair and pulled Alice and Todd along behind her.

“What do you need me for?” Todd asked as he lay on his stomach on Margo’s bed kicking his feet in the air like a little boy.

“Just stay put.”

Margo had sat Alice on a stool in front of her vanity cabinet, a curling iron in one hand and a brush in the other.

“I don’t think changing my outward appearance is going to help.”

“Well, I do. Todd, get into my closet and find the dress you think is sexiest.”

He didn’t hesitate. Alice allowed Margo to fix her hair. They tried out different styles until Margo found one she liked. She spun Alice around to her and grabbed her make up bag.

“Do you want to look like me or Kady?”

“Can’t I look like Alice?”

“Have a bit of an imagination.”

“I want to look like Julia.”

“That hedge bitch that almost killed Q? Why?”

“He’s had a crush on her his entire life. Please,” Alice whispered finally making eye contact. Margo had doe-like brown eyes and she finally understood why Eliot called her Bambi. Margo rolled her eyes.

“Fine. You win.”

They spent an hour in Margo’s room doing hair and makeup. Todd picked out a royal blue dress that Margo said was a big on her in the bust, but would work for Alice perfectly.

They helped her into it and sent her out the door.

“Hold your head high and march outside and demand that dumbass pay attention to you.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Let’s go, Todd,” said Margo. The three of them strolled with confidence back outside. The cook out was dying down. A lot of people paired off or went to study.

Penny and Kady were drinking under a tree and laughing about something. Alice smiled. Penny found someone he connected with and she wanted that for him. When they spotted her staring, Penny and Kady both raised their beer to her and nodded at her dress.

Todd tapped on her shoulder and pointed at Quentin, he was sitting close to Eliot, with their legs entwined and so deep in conversation they hardly noticed anything around them. _He looks happy._

Eliot was trying to feed him grapes and Quentin kept dropping them. It was painfully adorable. Alice felt something inside her. It was new, and it clawed at her insides.

“Sorry.” Margo placed a comforting hand on Alice’s arm.

“You were right. I can’t come between them.”

“Dumb and dumbass over there are missing out. You look hot. You could come and have some fun with me and Todd.”

“Say yes,” Todd pleaded.

“Maybe some other time.”

“Wait. You’re already dressed up. Let’s go out.”

“I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I’d rather be alone.”

“Ok, no. What kind of friend would I be if I let you sulk over some guy, who’s not even that cute? I swear you and Eliot have the same taste in men. High-strung nerds are the flavor of the month.”

Alice allowed Margo and Todd to take her to the movies. Margo paid for everyone. It was a monster movie, because romance was the last thing Alice needed to see.

“I’m going to be honest, you’re the least annoying person I’ve ever been on a date with,” Margo said over pizza at the bowling alley. It was Todd’s turn to bowl so the women were alone for a moment.

“It’s not a date.”

“Not with Todd here it isn’t. But hey, he has his uses. That offer still stands.”

“I’m not really into that sort of thing.”

Todd sat down and grabbed a slice of pizza. He was nice. He talked about growing up with his grandparents. Margo rolled her eyes, but Alice listened.

“I can’t convince her to have some fun with us tonight.”

“What if we all just cuddled?” Todd suggested, looking back and forth at the women.

“Like a sleep over?”

Todd shrugged then nodded. Margo seemed ok with the idea. Back at the cottage the three were lying on different positions on Margo’s bed staring at the ceiling and seeing who could do the best shadow puppet spell and trading gossip.

Apparently, Professor Sunderland and Penny were a scandal waiting to happen. Alice found it unlikely the teacher would ever cross that line, but Margo secretly hoped they would.

“They have eye sex in class all the time.”

“You’re not even in our year. How would you know?”

“I have my ways.”

 “Is this what it’s like to have friends?”

“It’s not so bad, is it? We’re not Fillory obsessed super nerds, but we’re still fun!”

Alice looked over at Margo. She reached her hand over and poked Alice in the cheek.

“I’m not so bad, you know.”

She wasn’t, but it was still difficult to trust her. Margo tossed Alice a pillow and then went out of her way to cover up both Alice and Todd who were side by side on the bed. Since it wasn’t really made for three people, they had to squeeze in.

“I had a lot of fun today, Margo.”

“Good.”

Margo tucked her in and slid in next to Todd. Alice waited until Margo fell asleep before she let her guard down. She could have returned to her own room, but it was the first time she’d been invited to a sleepover since she was six and she didn’t want to pass it up.


	2. Definitely Not Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice finally asks Quentin on a date? Is it going to be everything she hopes or is there a better option?

Margo had taken them to a recreational center that had an arcade, laser tag, mini golf, and a batting cage. Alice watched Margo hit everything that flew at her with the aggression of someone bigger than she was.

Todd had returned with three hot dogs and a salad for Margo.

“Three way dates are sort of fun,” Alice said.

“Three way sex is better,” said Margo, wiping sweat off her forehead. “We should do this every weekend.”

_Yes to every weekend. Not yet to three-way sex._

Alice looked forward to their “dates” even if it only ended with the three of them sleeping in different positions on Margo’s bed.

Alice knew this “date” was different, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She felt like something was missing. Her heart was pounding. She and Margo had been left alone while Todd had to go back to the cottage for some homework.

Alice noticed Margo scooted close to her in the Put-Put section. She put her hand on top of Alice’s and gave it a squeeze. Margo had very soft hands. Alice looked down at Margo’s pink, sparkly nails. It was too new. Alice pulled her hands back. 

“Um…Margo, no. Not yet.”

“Ok. But the offer stands. Let’s do another round and then head back. I can’t imagine ending this date without a sleepover.”

“Neither can I.”

The girls laughed as Margo whacked a ball so hard it hit a kid. It shouldn’t have been funny, but the sound it made hitting the kid made Margo laugh so hard she started crying, which made Alice laugh.

“Rude,” said the boy’s mother. Margo continued laughing. They talked about it on the ride back. The first thing they did was try to find Eliot to tell him.

He had a boy in his bed.  _Oh dear. I'm sorry._ Alice backed out slowly while Margo stayed in and shut the door quietly. Alice turned around and smacked into Quentin who was staring at Eliot’s door.  _How long has he been standing there?_

“Margo hit a kid with a golf ball. It was really funny, and horrible. He cried.”

Quentin wasn’t listening.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“What are you doing, Quentin?”

“Waiting to talk to Eliot.”

“He seems a little busy. Let’s go downstairs and I’ll let you teach me to play poker.”

She thought a card game would get Quentin to pay attention to her, but he was staring a hole through Eliot’s door which Margo emerged from it a moment later.

“Ready to get into our pajamas?” Margo asked Alice. Alice was staring at Quentin. “Leave him, Alice. This one is hopeless. Let’s find our other boy. We can’t have a sleepover without him.”

Todd was playing Jenga with some of the other physical kids when the girls found him.

“Want to play Egyptian Ratscrew” Margo asked.

“Is that a euphemism?”

“I wish. No we’re playing a card game.” Alice quite enjoyed slapping Margo and Todd during the game. Eventually, Quentin came to join the game. Margo made it her mission to slap him as often as she could, even when it wasn't required for the game. Alice thought she enjoyed it. 

“I don’t think you understand the point of the game,” Quentin said, shaking his sore hands.

“There are a lot of things you don’t understand, but you don’t hear us bitching about it.”

At quarter till one, Eliot brought his new friend downstairs as the game was wrapping up. He introduced everyone to Mike. He was short like Quentin, but blond and a with a bit more weight to carry around. 

Mike had a southern accent. There was something about him she didn’t like, and it wasn’t the way Quentin glared daggers at him.

“See you tomorrow,” Eliot said. She looked away when he kissed him good bye at the door of the cottage, because she felt like an intruder.

“Is that necessary?” Quentin asked.

“Yes  it is. Anyone want a drink?”

Todd raised his hand. If Eliot ended up graduating, he should be a magical bartender. She smiled at him. He was still trying, and she appreciated that he hadn’t give up on her.

“You don’t even know that guy.”

“I know he’s cute and he likes me.”

“Are you in or out?” Margo asked as she shuffled the deck. “This is the last round. The three of us have a sleepover to get to.”

“I’m out,” Quentin said, he left. Alice scooted her chair back to go after him, but Margo stopped her.

“He has been so moody today,” said Eliot.

“El, honey, you can’t be that dense,” said Margo.

“What?”

“Nevermind. I’m going to bed. I will talk to you in the morning.” She kissed Eliot on the mouth. Alice still thought it was weird. “You two better be in my room when I get out of the shower. Alice, care to join?”

Alice felt herself blush. She shook her head. When Margo didn’t press the issue, she put the cards away, said good bye to Eliot.

“Come on, Todd.”

Alice and Todd climbed the stairs side by side. He began telling her about his day. She was trying to listen, but her heart wasn't into it. 

“Wait,” she stared at the bathroom door, then at Quentin’s door. Alice bit her lip. Margo had invited her. Alice felt her chest tighten.

“I’m going to leave you to this. I’ll meet you in Margo’s room.”

Alice touched the bathroom door. Margo was on the other side, all she needed to do was knock, if that’s she wanted.  _Do I want that? What am I doing?_ But Quentin was also alone.

Alice sighed and turned toward his room. He was reading on his bed, in bad lighting. She wasn’t his mother, it wasn’t her job to tell him to read with better light. Alice quietly bent the light in his room to fix it and sat down on the side of his bed.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” Alice asked, her heart in her throat.

“Don’t you have that sleepover, thing?”

“That’s tonight. I was thinking maybe we could go to AD&D Comics and Games.”

“The comic book store? Yeah. I love that place. They have a sell on Dungeon Master guides and Monster Manuals. That’s perfect.”

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He said yes. She got up excitedly and couldn’t wait to share the news with Todd and Margo who had chosen their positions on the bed. Todd claimed the good pillow, which was fair because she chose it last time.

“I asked Quentin on a date.”

“Good job, Alice,” said Todd approvingly. Alice expected Margo to say something, instead she shrugged and began to run her fingers through Todd’s curls.

Alice took out her earrings, and heard Todd and Margo whispering. She couldn’t understand them, but it stopped after a moment anyways.

When they were settled in, Margo did a spell to make the three of them sing together. When it was done, Alice felt Todd’s body shift toward Margo.

Alice placed her glasses on the night stand. She tucked in. She breathed in the familiarity of Todd before she rolled away from him.

Saturday mornings after the sleep over were always exciting. Alice loved waking up next to someone. She looked past Todd to see Margo’s spot on the bed was empty.

“Todd,” Alice poked him until he woke up.

“What?”

“Margo’s not here.”

“What?”

He sat up. It was their ritual they would all wait for each other to go down to the Cottage kitchen and make breakfast together. It usually was a huge mess with one of them covered in flour from the pancakes. Last weekend, Margo threw a handful of flour at Alice. 

Margo was outside with Eliot. They stopped talking when Alice and Todd reached them. Margo smiled at both of them.

“Good morning.”

“Why didn’t you wait for us?” Alice asked.

“I’m sorry, I needed to talk to Eliot. It was important and I’ve been neglecting him.”

“Yes, I missed my Bambi.”

“Oh.”

The four of them sat in silence. It was when Quentin came outside they started talking and moving.

“So, Alice, the comic book store opens at ten, do you want to grab up lunch after?”

“Yes. That sounds nice.”

She noticed Quentin looked cute and refreshed. His hair was clean and brushed with care, and he was wearing a plain shirt. She was pleased to see it. His moods had been all over the place lately, so it was nice to see him a good place. 

“What does someone wear to a comic book store?” Alice asked Todd and Margo.

Alice spent the entire morning choosing an outfit. Todd was holding up a pink blouse with ruffles and smiling widely. He kept pointing to it.

Margo wasn’t being helpful. Alice stared at her. Margo was filing her nails with such determination and attention, it made Alice wonder if she was aware they were even there.

“It doesn’t matter what you wear, Q isn’t going to notice you.”

“Why would you say that, Margo?” Todd asked before Alice could.

“You’re taking him to his kingdom.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s a nerd, and you’re taking him to his homeland. He’s going to be surrounded by nerd culture. You’ll be lucky if he even sees you.”

“Margo has a point.”

“We can talk when we get lunch.” They didn't really need to talk at the comic book store. Being with him was enough. 

Quentin looked the same as he did during breakfast. He didn’t change clothes. She felt a little out of place as they left the Cottage together.

The comic book store was packed with nerds. Not all of them were like Quentin. The men greatly outnumbered the women.  _There are barely any women here._ She walked close to Quentin. 

“I don’t want us to be separated.”

So Quentin offered his hand. Quentin had the smooth hands of someone who had obviously never worked a day in his life. She thought for a second his hands might be softer than Margo’s.

She thought of Margo, and her soft hands before Quentin said something to her that brought her back around.

“What?”

“I said, this book is awesome.”

He let go of her hand to hold up a D&D book. Player’s Handbook. She touched it for a moment.

“I played this once. Only once.”

“You’ve played Dungeons and Dragons?”

“I wanted Charlie to think I was cool.”

Quentin nodded.

“You don’t belong here, babe,” said a man standing way too close to her. She moved to the other side of Quentin.

“You have pretty hair,” the man said. He pushed Quentin out of the way to stand next to her. He had no concept of boundaries. 

“Excuse me, she's with me,” Quentin said.

“Don’t touch me,” Alice said, after the man petted her hair. 

"You're pretty." 

"Please go away." 

“Hey! The lady said back off,” said Penny. Alice sighed as Penny pushed both her and Quentin behind him. He glared at the man. For a moment, Alice thought the two were going to fight, but the man put his hands up in surrender. 

“Fine. But that girl doesn’t belong here.”

“She is more welcome here than you are.”

Penny turned around to face them after the man walked away. He put his hand on Alice's shoulders protectively. 

"Are you alright?"

“Thank you, Penny.”

“What are you doing in a comic book store?” Quentin asked.

Penny held up three Indian comic books, Alice was trying to read the title but he removed them quickly.

“I used to read these as a kid to escape the voices. I thought my nieces might like them.”

“You actually have siblings?” Quentin asked.

Penny didn’t answer. Quentin stalked off to look at  _Fillory and Further_  graphic novels and she stayed with Penny.

“I am very glad you were here, Penny." 

"Thanks, Alice. Since Kady left, I've needed to get out more."

Alice rubbed his arm. He placed a hand on top of hers. She hoped he understood what she was trying to say. 

"I'm always available to talk if you want." 

"Thanks, Alice. I may do that. Eliot said the same thing."

"Oh, so you guys are talking?"

"We're in a good place." 

"What? How?"

Before Penny could answer, Quentin announced he was ready to check out. He had a stack of books in his hands and was wearing the dopiest smile. Penny grabbed the books before they fell and carried them to the counter for him, mumbling about it the entire time. He may have acted like he didn't care, but that wasn't fooling anyone. 

On their way out of the store, they passed a perfume kiosk. A scent wafted up through the air, a scent of a very rare flower. Alice thought of Margo curled around her at night, their bodies pressed together, Margo's arms around her, her breath warm against her neck. Margo's soft hands touching her belly. 

"Alice, do you want to eat?" Quentin said, tugging her forward.

"Yes," said Alice.

 _I don't think I want this_ , Alice thought, and went looking around the food court for a less disgusting option. She got in line at a shop selling grilled cheese and fries, away from the boys, and glanced over at Penny, who was in line at the salad bar. Watching Quentin scarf down one of those disgusting cheesesteaks like it was about to be taken away from him was as repulsive as eating one. She gaped at Penny, who was adding a liberal amount of Italian dressing to a salad and ignoring them. _How is he able to stand the smell?_

"Thanks for coming to the comic book store with me today, Alice. I really appreciate it. What made you decide to come?" Quentin asked.

_What?_

"I, um..."  _I thought this was a date._ "I was hoping you could give me some recommendations for graphic novels."  She could feel Penny's eyes on her, so she let down her mental wards for a moment, and allowed him to enter her mind. 

_"Why didn't you tell him this is a date? My god, he's an idiot."_

_"Maybe it's better this way," Alice said in her head._ _Penny was shaking his head at her, but he kept silent._

_"You deserve better, Alice. Much better."_

Quentin was rambling about graphic novels she had absolutely no interest in, but she pulled it together, and tried not to show any disappointment. She could still feel Penny staring at her long after she closed her wards, but she didn't want to meet his gaze. She looked over at Quentin who was completely invested in his bag of chips than he was in the world around him.  _Look at me, Quentin._

"I can stay if you want," Penny said as the three were leaving the mall. He was whispering now so only she could hear him. 

"That's okay. I think we're going to the movies. There is a monster movie showing I thought Quentin might be interested in."

"You really don't have to do this."

Alice didn't say anything. She gave Penny's arm another squeeze. He nodded at her and touched her hand again.

"Let your wards down during the movie, if you're having a bad time, call out to me. I'll come get you. You don't have to stay with this loser." 

"Thank you, Penny." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that bit about Penny and the comic books is based on something Arjun Gupta told me on twitter. We were discussing escapism, and he mentioned that he used to read Indian comics, and I can't find the original screenshot of the original tweet so I don't have the names of the comics (I deactivated my twitter). But he told me he wanted to find those comics again and share the experience with his nieces and I thought it was very sweet. I admire that man.


	3. Discovery Can Be Scary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice discovers maybe this was never about Quentin

Alice was sitting next to the fire place, Margo next to her, and Todd spread across both their laps. Margo was running her fingers through his curls like he was a puppy. Alice assumed that’s how she saw him.

They were laughing at a joke Margo told. Alice watched the corners of Margo’s lips curl upward. She got a new lipstick called Unicorn Shit, that sparkled. It was really pretty, and drew the eye to Margo's mouth. 

Margo had bare shoulders, her tank top exposed more skin than Alice was used to seeing. She stared at the lines of Margo’s collarbones, momentarily distracted by the smoothness of it.

“You’re being irrational, Eliot,” said Mike from the stairs. It sounded like they were stomping on the stairs. It was jarring enough to drag Alice’s attention away from that one particular freckle on Margo's clavicle. 

Margo scooted Todd off her lap. She was half way up by the time they could see Eliot. He was too graceful by nature to make loud noises on the stairs. He moved like a cat.

“I’m being dramatic? After what you just told me?”

“Eliot?” Margo said, they were all moving close to him as if she was trying to trap a scared animal.

“Its not that big of a deal. Why are you getting so bent out of shape?” Mike asked.

“You’re a Republican! How is that not a big deal?”

“Margo, tell him he’s irrational.”

“Why the fuck would I take your side over his?”

“Because it’s just politics. It means nothing.”

Alice glanced over at Quentin. The light returned to his eyes. She had never seen him so focused on anything, in the months she has known him. There was something else besides light in his eyes, hope? Relief? Alice didn’t know. But the secret smile he was trying to hide lit up a light bulb over her head. 

She followed his line of sight. Eliot. _I get it now. Its Eliot._ When Margo brought Eliot to the couch after the breakup, Alice watched Quentin pretend he wasn’t listening to every word. She saw him hide a smile behind his book, and cover his face with his hair.  _Oh, so that's how it is, then?_

It wasn’t the banishment of a Republican from the Cottage that made him happy, it was the removal of an obstacle blocking him from something he really wanted.

Alice looked at Margo. She got up to take Eliot upstairs. Quentin stood up too when they were gone. Even though he didn’t need to he made an excuse about why he was leaving, and knocked his mug off the table. Alice caught it before it shattered.

“Sorry. I need to brush my face. Wash. I need to wash my face.”

He left. Alice grinned.

She sat still, staring at the place Quentin formerly occupied. She closed her eyes and opened her wards, inviting Penny in.

_“Where are you?” She asked, mentally._

_“Visiting Mayakovsky. He summoned me here. What’s up?”_

She could see Penny in her as if he were standing next to her. He fully incepted her mind.

_“Why didn’t you tell me about Quentin and Eliot?”_

_“I thought the sex dream would have given it away. It’s not my place to out people. I’m glad you know.”_

“Alice,” she heard her name and the connection with Penny broke. Todd was shaking her gently. His big dopey brown eyes were locked onto her.

“What is it, Todd? Fuck.”

“Can we talk?” He sat down next to her and reached for her hand. She allowed it, after all they snuggle basically every Friday night. What’s a little hand holding?

“What, Todd?”

“I am not here to out anyone or tell anyone what to do, but, I really think you should ask Margo on a date.”

“We go on dates every week. They’re fun. You know that.”

Todd sighed dramatically. Alice didn't quite understand why he said that. The three of them have been dating for a couple of months. It was usually the highlight of her week.

“I can’t keep coming up with excuses to leave early every time if you and Margo aren’t going to kiss.”

“What? I thought you just had homework. You have really good grades. I’m confused.”

“I leave early because Margo is basically eye fucking you. I ship it, to be honest.”

“You were supportive of me asking out Quentin.”

“I was supportive of something that you thought would make you happy, and it didn’t. You’re not in love with him.”

Alice was about to argue. When Todd asked her a question that she never once considered in her entire life. Was she attracted to women?

Alice recalled an incident in undergrad with her roommate, who she walked in on in a very compromising position, that made her blush profusely. 

They stopped talking when Margo reentered and sat down on the other side of Todd. She put her feet across his lap. Alice watched Todd rub Margo's calves. 

“So, for our date this Friday, I am thinking we go to London. Eliot and I have a portal to our favorite pub. It’ll be fun.”

“I may sit this one out,” Todd said.

“Too bad, I wanted to bang.”

Alice spent all week watching Quentin flirt with an oblivious Eliot. It also could have been that Quentin was awkward at flirting, so it wasn’t really Eliot’s fault he missed all the signs.

But when he offered Quentin a drink and their fingers touched she saw the zap of electricity between them. She saw the sparkle in Quentin’s eyes. They were adorable. The height difference was really cute.

Alice found herself in Todd’s room. Due to the rule of rotation she was familiar with the curve of his bed and the ambiance of his stringed lights and wax warmer scent of cinnamon and apples. His room reminded her of Christmas.

“Reconsider the date.”

“No. You and Margo need to sort your shit out.”

“There’s nothing to sort out.”

“Oh really? Then why didn’t you answer my question?”

Alice hoped he would forget. Alice opened her mouth to speak, he raised his eye brows and nodded encouraging her to go on.

“When did you know you were bi?”

He sat down on the bed beside her.

“His name was Ezra and I was hopelessly in love with him, I just didn’t realize it until he had moved to Canada to live with his grandparents.”

“That didn’t really answer the question,” Alice pointed out.

“It was the little things. Noticing boys’ thighs in the locker room, the shape of their asses in tight jeans, with Ezra, it was when he gave me a hug, the moment he wrapped his bulging biceps around me I knew.”

“Doesn’t everyone notice people in the locker room?”

Todd shrugged.

Penny blipped in by accident. He still didn’t have the hang of it. He pushed Todd off the bed and sat down beside Alice.

“I hate this shit. I just want to control it. Also. You are fucking loud. You and Quentin should never been allowed near each other,” Penny told Todd, kicking his shoes. Alice saw Penny roll his eyes and kick Todd’s shoe again. “Please stop thinking I’m hot.”

“Do you ever find men hot?” Todd asked Penny, he nodded at Alice. She bit her lip.

“You’re never going to know. Why?” Alice tried not to make eye contact with Penny. His expression softened. He took her hand. Alice opened her wards.

“Oh, God, Penny. I’m embarrassed. Shouldn’t I know if I’m attracted to women?”

“Calm down. We can figure this out.”

“How?”

_Alice closed her eyes and Penny lead her through her memories. Together they saw a twelve year old Alice staring at a photo of a model wearing very sexy lingerie._

_Penny stood before her. “What were you doing here, Alice?”_

_“I thought she had a beautiful body and I would kill for her curves.”_

_“Why are there sex books all over this room?” Penny asked looking her memory._

_“You should meet my parents.”_

_Another memory spun into place of Alice with some girl with dark hair, the girl had just kissed her during a game of spin the bottle at a party. Alice made an excuse to leave the game and the party. She called her brother Charlie to pick her up._

_“Why did you leave?”_

_“I felt weird.”_

_“Weird how?”_

_“I felt like I was was on fire. I couldn’t sit still and my chest was fluttering. It was scary and I didn’t understand it. I freaked out.”_

Penny blipped them back to reality and they stared at each other.

“Alice.” Penny was still holding her hand. She felt him pat it. “Alice, do you understand?”

“Fuck.”

Todd was nodding. Alice looked back and forth between both men. Alice stood up. She thought of Margo, her beautiful hair, her lips, the way she makes her laugh. How she always touches her gently. The dates with her were always more fun than with Quentin.

Quentin was safety. None of it was real, she realized. He was just a net. Alice took a deep breath, held it then exhaled.

“Do I like Margo?” Alice asked.

“Only you can answer that?”

Alice remembered how she felt the first time she ever saw Margo. There was a soft orange glow from the sun illuminating her as she was filing her nails. She was sitting with Quentin and Eliot in the grass. She looked happy, and beautiful. 

Alice looked at the patient boys who were both smiling. She stood up and took a deep breath. Alice couldn’t believe what she was about to do. It was scary, but it needed to be done.

Margo was in her room laying on her stomach reading a magazine when Alice found her. She shut the door behind her.

“Alice?” Margo asked.

“Will you go on a real date with me? Just us.”

Margo was crossing over to her. Alice stepped back until she was against the door. Margo ran a hand across her cheek. _Is she going to kiss me?_ And when Margo did, Alice knew it was never about Quentin.


End file.
